I Don't Wanna Spend One More Christmas Without You
by AmyLeigh88
Summary: Five times that Rachel and Jesse spend the holidays together.
1. December 2010

**Author's Note: **Okay, so this originally started out as a one-shot, but I had so much fun writing my last 5 times story that I'm thinking of turning this into a 5 times Christmas story. I've already started on the second part so hopefully it won't take too terribly long to write the other parts. One thing, I kind of wanted New Directions to sing "The Dog Days Are Over" at Sectionals so in this fic, they did just that. Also, I hated the way Rachel handled Finn lying to her so I made some slight changes to that as well. As always, reviews of all kinds are love.

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It had been just a few days since Rachel had turned sixteen and she'd managed to convince her dads to let her drive to just outside of Dayton to The Green Town Center for the day, so she could go shopping with the money that she'd received for her birthday. Rachel was walking down a side street doing some window shopping, just minding her own business, when she saw him. Jesse St. James.

Her feet stopped just as she felt like her heart did the same. _There is no way he can be here. What are the odds? Besides, I thought he was at UCLA_, she thought. Then she realized that of course he would be back in town. It was Winter Break, and it wasn't like he was going to spend Christmas at school in LA. She also knew that he loved this place since they'd come here more than once when they had been dating.

All of a sudden she started to panic as she realized that he might see her. He was on the other side of the street and she was pretty sure that he hadn't seen her yet. _But what if he has? Oh my God, I have to hide. Or run,_ she thought frantically, desperately looking for some place to blend in without running into the nearest store and calling attention to herself.

She glanced back across the street and realized that it was too late. He'd already seen her and was running across the street, straight for Rachel, right at that moment. It was like everything was happening in slow motion as she saw him bound across the street towards her. His perfectly coifed wavy hair bouncing a little, his knee-length black wool coat blowing open slightly and the smile that crept onto his face as he stepped onto the curb. He looked just as gorgeous as she remembered.

"Rachel," he breathed out as he stopped in front of her.

She must have imagined this moment hundreds of times since Regionals, but not once did she think that she would be speechless like she was at that moment.

"Okay, I guess I deserve the silent treatment," he said sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck, taking her silence to mean that she was angry and didn't want to speak to him. She was glad that he had completely misread her reaction because instead of being angry like she'd thought she would be, she was just stunned. "So how's it going?"

Finally, Rachel spoke, "Good."

"I, um, heard about Sectionals," he said. He cracked a smile as he continued, "Congrats on the win."

"Thank you," she replied.

"'The Dog Days Are Over', huh?" he asked. Obviously, he'd heard about their set list for Sectionals.

"Yeah," she almost whispered, a ghost of a smile on her face as she thought of New Directions' final song at Sectionals.

"I remember listening to that song blasting in my car with the windows rolled down as we sang at the top of our lungs," he laughed. "On our way here, actually." Rachel smiled at the memory. They would put the entire album on repeat and sing it over and over again whenever they were in his car. It was one of their favorite things to do, driving around in Jesse's car and singing all sorts of songs.

"Who would've thought that Mr. Schue would've okayed that song for Sectionals?" she asked, chuckling. She wanted to be angry with Jesse. She _should _be angry with him and stomping away, not giving him the time of day, yet here she was standing on the street laughing with him.

"I'm sure you sounded just as amazing as you always did when you sang that song," he said. Locking his gaze with hers, he added, "Although, I have to say that I was always partial to 'Cosmic Love'."

Rachel felt the blush creep into her cheeks, but refused to tear her gaze away from his and let him know that he was getting to her. "So what are you doing all the way down here?"

"Would you believe me if I said that I was hoping to run in to you?" he asked with a smirk.

Narrowing her eyes at him, she quipped, "No. Try again."

He just laughed. "Well, I was spending a few days with my uncle and I needed to do some Christmas shopping, so I figured I'd come down here and see what I could find. Plus, I love this place... especially this time of year."

"I remember," she said, smiling as she looked around at their surroundings. "It's also a nice day for December in Ohio," she added a little awkwardly. She mentally kicked herself for even bringing up the weather.

Suddenly Jesse asked, "Hey, do you want to help me find some gifts for my family?" The look in Jesse's eyes made Rachel glance down at her feet that were now shuffling in the snow.

She knew she should say no to him and tell him that she didn't want to spend another minute in his presence, but instead she said, "Sure." Clearly Jesse hadn't been expecting that answer and looked taken aback for a moment before regaining his composure and smiling at Rachel. "I'm not sure how much help I'm going to be, seeing as I don't even know your parents," she added as they began walking down the street.

"That's okay. I just need a female's perspective for my mom," he explained. "My dad's pretty easy to buy for because I know exactly what he likes. As for my uncle, well, you've been around him a few times. He's a pretty laid back kind of guy."

"How is your uncle?" she asked. When Jesse had transferred to McKinley, he'd lived with his uncle for a couple of months and Rachel met him and got to know him from hanging out at his house. She had really liked his uncle who was a younger, single guy who seemed more like a big brother to Jesse than an uncle. She remembered sitting around the dinner table the few times they'd eaten dinner there, and the way he had laughed with that same mirth that Jesse did. It'd made her like him immediately.

"He's good. Still single as ever though," Jesse told her, shaking his head slightly in amusement. His uncle just could never seem to meet a woman that he liked enough to date for more than six months. Until Jesse had met Rachel, he figured that he'd end up like his uncle, now the idea of being a bachelor like his uncle seemed like such a foreign and unwelcome idea to him. "He actually came out to visit me in LA this fall. He came to see a production I was in."

Jesse's mention of being in a production peaked Rachel's interest. "Was it a musical?"

He nodded. "It was a school production of _Chicago_," he told her, proudly.

"Let me guess, you were Billy Flynn," she said, as Jesse opened the door to a jewelry store that he obviously wanted to go in to.

"Of course," he responded with a smug smile as he held the door open for Rachel and she went inside. Following her inside, he led the way over to one of the cases that had pendants and necklaces in it. "This is my mom's favorite jeweler," Jesse explained as they looked at the jewelry in the case.

"It's all so beautiful," Rachel said, running her hand along the glass case. Then there was one that caught Rachel's eye. She'd seen pictures of Jesse's mother so she knew that she wasn't one for simple jewelry. It was a beautiful turquoise and ruby torsade in Vermeil necklace. Grabbing the arm of Jesse's coat, she tugged him towards her.

"What?" he asked, looking at her.

"That one," she told him, pointing at the necklace. Rachel had no idea how much a necklace like that would cost but knowing Jesse, money was no object.

Jesse waved over one of the staff and pointed out the necklace he wanted to see. Pulling it out of the case, the salesman handed it to Jesse so he could look at it more closely. "Turn around," Jesse softly commanded Rachel.

"Why?"

"Because I want to see what this looks like on someone," he explained. Turning around, Rachel lifted her hair off of her neck so he could clasp it. She felt her skin tingle in the spot where his fingers touched her skin as he clasped the necklace.

She held open her coat as she turned back around so he could see how the necklace looked, avoiding his gaze and focusing on a single curl that was touching the lapel of his coat. She was worried that if she looked in his eyes, he'd see just what a simple touch from him had done to her. "What do you think?" she asked, reaching up and touching the necklace lightly.

"I was about to ask you the same thing," he chuckled. "I like it and I think my mom would too. Look in the mirror and tell me what you think?" He pointed in the direction of a mirror on the counter.

Rachel walked over to it and looked at the five-tiered necklace currently draped on her neck. She was pretty simple when it came to her necklaces. A chain and a pendant was really all she needed, but this was a lot more delicate and beautiful than Rachel had even realized when it was sitting in the case. Letting out a small sigh she turned and looked at Jesse again, smiling and nodding her head. "I think you should get it."

He walked over to where she was standing as Rachel lifted her hair once again so he could take the necklace off of her. As he undid it, he gently ran his thumb across her neck a few times before whispering a quiet "Thank you," in Rachel's ear. Now _that_ caused a shiver of pure pleasure to run down Rachel's spine and she did her best to hide that he had caused any sort of reaction.

As Jesse purchased the necklace, Rachel continued to look at some of the jewelry cases. She ended up at the case with all of the engagement rings eventually. Sighing dreamily, she looked at some of the gorgeous rings in the case. There was one in particular that looked like an antique ring that had been passed down for generations but was obviously new. Rachel held out her hand over the case and tried to imagine such a beautiful ring on her finger one day. She was so mesmerized that she didn't even hear Jesse walk up behind her.

"Thinking of getting engaged?" he asked in her ear, completely startling her and causing her to jump slightly.

"Oh my God," she panted, holding her hand over her heart as she tried to breath normally. "Don't sneak up on people like that," she exclaimed, hitting his arm.

He just laughed and looked in the case at the ring she'd been looking at, nodding in approval at her choice and casting a sideways glance at her. "You ready?" he asked, still smiling at how he'd made her jump.

"Yes," she replied, slightly annoyed, as she headed for the door and Jesse followed closely behind. Once outside, she stopped and turned to look at him expectantly. "Where to next?"

"There," he replied, pointing across the street at an electronics store. Grabbing her hand, he pulled her along behind him.

"Jesse!" she half-heartedly protested, but he just smiled at her mischievously. He looked both ways to make sure no cars were coming in either direction, and then he and Rachel ran across the street together, laughing when they nearly slipped as they'd stepped onto the sidewalk.

Once again, following Jesse inside the store, Rachel asked, "So who are we shopping for this time?"

"My dad and my uncle," he told her as they began to browse some of the gadgets. They split up and began looking at the various displays and shelves until Rachel heard Jesse calling her name from near the middle of the store. She looked over to see that he was holding a microphone in his hand and was grinning at her in a way that made her realize that he was up to no good. When she didn't move to join him, he held up his finger and beckoned her over.

Choosing to ignore him, she turned around and began looking at the gadgets again until she heard "Rachel" coming from a speaker that she was sure was connected to the karaoke machine he was standing next to. Before he could say her name again and further embarrass her, she quickly walked over to him.

"What are you doing?" she hissed, looking around the store a bit.

"Me, you and a karaoke machine? What do you think I'm doing?" he smirked as he handed her a microphone.

"What is with you and public concerts?" she asked, rolling her eyes and laughing a little.

"I just want people to hear my voice and feel the hope that it inspires," he replied, still smirking.

"Oh my God, did that just happen?" she teased, laughing at his ridiculousness.

"I think it did," he said, leaning over towards her. "Are you going to sing with me or are these people only going to be graced with my angelic voice?"

"Fine, what are we singing?" she asked, trying to hide her smile.

"Do you know any Christmas songs?"

"Yes, but go ahead and tell me what song you really want to sing," she replied, rolling her eyes at him in amusement.

"How do you know I already have a song picked out?" he asked, acting offended.

"Because you have that look that you always used to get when you _thought _you had a brilliant idea," she told him.

"First, let's just get one thing straight, my ideas are _always_ brilliant. Second… we're singing 'Mele Kalikimaka'." If the look on his face hadn't been so adorable, Rachel might've walked way leaving Jesse standing there all alone.

"You're lucky I like this song," she said as he hit the button and the beginning of the song started.

_Mele Kalikimaka is the thing to say on a bright Hawaiian Christmas day – _Jesse sang the first verse, dancing and swaying all the while which made Rachel giggle. Rachel sang the next verse and couldn't help but grin and dance as she did. Then they joined in together – _Here we know that Christmas will be green and bright, the sun to shine by day and all the stars at night_ – both dancing and not really noticing the crowd that had gathered around them. As they finished the song - _Mele Kalikimaka is Hawaii's way to say Merry Christmas to you -_ the small crowd began to applaud.

Rachel blushed slightly as she realized the entire store had just watched her and Jesse. Jesse simply smiled and did a little bow before placing the microphone back on the display. As all the other customers went back to their shopping, Jesse turned to Rachel and said, "So, do you think I should get this for my uncle?"

"That's a terrible idea," she laughed, putting her microphone back on the display as well.

"Why?" he asked in disbelief.

"Because it is a completely selfish gift that you only want to get so you can use it," she reprimanded. "When would your uncle ever use it?"

He looked at her feigning wide-eyed innocence. "I don't know. At parties maybe…" he trailed off as Rachel gave him a stern look. "Or never," he conceded. "See, this is why I needed your help today. I'm terrible at buying things for people."

"Why because you figure if you like it then they will too?" she asked with a teasing smile.

"No," he replied, defensively.

"I'm joking." She shoved him playfully before telling him to follow her. For the next hour, they browsed and debated all sorts of gifts before finally settling on a new putting green for Jesse's dad and a beer home brewer for Jesse's uncle.

Rachel helped Jesse carry all of his presents back to his car and she smiled to herself as she handed Jesse his packages. It had actually been a lot more fun than Rachel thought it would be when she'd agreed to accompany Jesse on his little shopping excursion. She was just about to tell him that she needed to get going when he asked, "Would you like to have dinner with me?" Then he added, "Or coffee? Whichever. I still haven't heard about what you've been up to these last few months."

Rachel thought for a moment about whether this was a good idea or not, then she looked at his face and immediately regretted it because she knew she couldn't say no. "Sure, I'll have dinner with you," she agreed.

They headed over to The Pub, which had been a favorite of theirs when they used to come here. They both had loved how it felt a bit like they were in a real English Pub with all of the dark wood furnishings and bar. The food was great too. Once they were inside the restaurant, the hostess sat them in a cozy little corner booth. It brought back all sorts of fond memories for the both of them. They made small talk until the waitress came over and took their drink orders.

Now that Jesse knew that they'd have a little bit of time to talk, he confessed, "I've been trying to figure out a way all day today to apologize for how I handled our break-up last spring. I was actually surprised when you didn't immediately slap me and stomp away."

"The thought did cross my mind," she admitted.

"I'm glad you didn't," he replied with sincerity.

"Look, there's no need to apologize. I've already forgiven you," she explained. "And after some things happened at the beginning of the school year, I finally understood why you did it."

At that moment, the waitress interrupted their conversation to give them their sodas and asked if they were ready to order. Jesse asked her to give them a few minutes. Nodding, she walked away. "You were saying?"

"Remember last year when I triple-cast you, Puck and Finn in the 'Run Joey Run' video?" she asked.

All these months later, Rachel could tell that she'd hit a nerve. "I remember," he replied looking down at his drink and taking a sip.

"Well, afterwards when I was trying to explain why I did it, you told me that as a fellow star in the making you understood why I did it," she continued. "I finally realized that what you did when we broke up was motivated by your desire to be a star, to achieve your goals."

Jesse looked at her a bit puzzled. She still hadn't explained what happened to make her come to such a realization. "What happened at the beginning of the school year?"

"I sent a possible new rival to a crack house because she was a genuine threat to my lead vocalist status in New Directions," she confessed. Jesse's eyes grew wide at her admission. "I mean, really she wasn't that big of a threat but still some of my solos would have inevitably gone to her. We _are_ talking about Mr. Schuester."

Jesse nodded in understanding at her true statement when it came to Mr. Schue. "I can't believe you did that," he finally said in disbelief.

Rachel looked down at her glass and played with her straw suddenly regretting telling him about her biggest diva moment to-date. She thought out of everyone he would completely understand and not judge her. Just as she was about to take a sip of her soda, she heard Jesse laughing. "You really are more of a drama queen than I am," he told her, still laughing.

His laughter was contagious and soon they were both laughing loudly at how ridiculous they could be sometimes. "Was she okay?" Jesse finally asked.

"Oh, yeah," Rachel reassured him. "Although, she's now a member of your old team."

"Really?" Jesse raised an eyebrow. "Now _that's_ interesting." They were both still laughing slightly when Jesse suddenly asked, "And you're okay?"

Rachel didn't need for him to explain exactly what he meant. She knew he was talking about their break-up and the egging. "Yeah, I'm okay," she told him softly as she locked her gaze with his.

A moment later the waitress was at their table again, and Rachel couldn't decide if she had terrible or perfect timing. Both Rachel and Jesse gave her their orders and just as she walked away, Jesse asked, "So I take it you and Hudson are together?"

"Um, that's questionable at this moment in time," she replied, trying not to think how the entire subject of Finn Hudson pissed her off right now.

"Well, that wasn't the answer I was expecting," he confessed. "Do you mind if I ask what's going on?"

"Last year when you and I almost...," she trailed off.

"Almost what?" he asked, a bit confused.

"Almost had sex," she huffed, and Jesse nodded his head in understanding. "Well, I lied and told Finn that we actually had done it when you and I were still dating."

"Oh," was all Jesse could manage. He tried not to think about what could have been that night.

"Not too long ago, I confessed to Finn that I had lied," she explained.

"And he didn't take it too well?" Jesse asked, still confused as to why this would cause problems between Finn and Rachel. Not that he was complaining because otherwise Finn might have been here with her today and they wouldn't have reconnected the way they had.

"No, he lied when I first told him that you and I had sex and said that he couldn't go through with it with Santana," she rushed out in anger. "Then when I confessed to him later, he just let me go on believing the lie that he was still a virgin. Letting me make stupid statements about how it was special that we were both still virgins."

Jesse was about to say something when Rachel continued. "And then he doesn't even have the guts to tell me himself. Santana is the one that tells me that she took his virginity and that Finn had been lying to me all along."

"I'm sorry, Rachel," Jesse said. He wanted to reach over and grab her hand but he wasn't sure if she'd just pull away or not.

"He says he loves me but then he can't even be honest with me?" she spat. "Oh, and he calls me a prude."

Now _that _made Jesse mad. "He what?"

"He calls me a prude because I won't have sex with him and things have gone very slowly," she huffed.

Finally, Jesse reached across the table and took her hand in his. "You are _not_ a prude just because you won't have sex with him. You know you're beautiful and amazing and that oaf is lucky that you've even given him the time of day." Sure when he and Rachel had been dating he'd wanted to have sex with her, what guy wouldn't, but when she'd told him that she wasn't ready he'd respected that and had never pushed again.

"Thank you," she said, giving his hand a gentle squeeze and smiling at him slightly, unshed tears in her eyes. Then one tear rolled down her cheek, and with his other hand Jesse reached up and brushed it off her cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"I'm sorry he made you feel you're not enough," Jesse said, caressing her cheek tenderly. Rachel just looked up at him through the tears that were still pooled in her eyes.

"So Finn and I are broken up right now," she finally said, holding onto Jesse's hand more tightly. They sat there in silence, Jesse's touch comforting Rachel when the waitress with impeccable timing came over with their food.

As the waitress set their food in front of them, Jesse decided that he needed to lighten the mood so he asked Rachel about some of the songs that had been tossed around originally for Sectionals which got her talking animatedly as she at her dinner. She told him all about how she'd done "Nowadays/Hot Honey Rag" from _Chicago_ with the substitute when Mr. Schue had been out sick with the flu. She asked him about life at UCLA and Jesse told her how much fun it had been going to college football games even though the Bruins were terrible. He told that he was trying to learn how to surf and how he'd spend some of his days off from school at the beach. Rachel thought it was cute how he practically lit up while he was talking about his life in LA. It made her a little sad as well.

They finished up their dinner and Jesse paid for the entire thing despite Rachel's insistence that she could pay for her own meal. "It's the least I could do after how you helped me out today," he explained to her.

Once they'd left the restaurant, Rachel decided that she didn't want to say good-bye to Jesse just yet. "How about some coffee? We can walk around some more if you want?" she asked.

Jesse just grinned and said, "That sounds great." So they headed over to a small coffee shop and they each got a latte. Once again, Jesse refused to let Rachel pay for her own. Rachel thanked him and took her latte as he handed it to her. "Let's go look at the tree."

As they walked outside, Jesse held out his arm for Rachel and she looped her arm through his. Holding onto the sleeve of his coat a little more tightly than she absolutely needed to. Sipping her coffee, she finally asked Jesse the question that had been weighing on her mind for most of the day. "So do you have a girlfriend?" she blurted out.

Jesse simply chuckled and turned his head to look down at her. "No, I don't have a girlfriend," he replied softly. Rachel didn't know why it mattered so much but it did and it made her heart race all of a sudden knowing that little piece of information. "Looks like we're both single," he added.

They neared the heart of the square where the large Christmas tree was lit colorfully, and stood there in comfortable silence looking at the tree and leaning on each other ever so slightly.

"I wish things were different," he suddenly said, not looking at her and continuing to stare at the tree.

She looked up at him, puzzled a little by what he was talking about. "Different how?"

"You and me. Together," he elaborated, still not looking at her. "Wanna dance?"

"What?" Rachel asked, a little thrown off by his confession and request.

"Do you want to dance?" he asked, enunciating and emphasizing every word as he grabbed her latte and threw it away along with his. Then he grabbed her hands and twirled her gently making her giggle.

There was Christmas music that she could hear softly playing over the speakers, if she was hearing it right, it was an instrumental version of 'Last Christmas'. Jesse spun her away from him as he sang quietly along with the song, making Rachel smile.

_Last Christmas, I gave you my heart – _Jesse sang as he pulled Rachel closer.

_But the very next day, you gave it away_ – Rachel interjected, grinning up at him, as Jesse looked a little caught off guard by her deciding to join in and sing with him.

_This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special _– they harmonized quietly together as they barely swayed to the music. Jesse reached up and gently brushed a lock of hair away from Rachel's face.

He slowly leaned down towards her and all Rachel could think of was how it would feel to have his lips on hers again. How he would taste of sugar and coffee and peppermint. Just as their lips were about to meet, she reluctantly sighed and whispered, "Jesse, don't."

The spell broken, Jesse pulled back and looked at Rachel contritely. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have tried that," he apologized.

"It's okay," she reassured him, reaching out to gently grab his arm as she smiled tentatively at him. "But I think we should get going."

"Yeah, I'll walk you to your car," he agreed.

"Thanks." Ducking her head, she led the way to where her car was parked. They walked in silence until they reached Rachel's car. "Well, this is me," Rachel said, stating the obvious. She unlocked her car and reached for the door handle when Jesse stopped her.

"Rachel, wait."

"Yeah," she said, turning and looking at him expectantly. She watched him reach into his pocket, pull out a box and hand it to her. "What is this?"

"A belated Sweet Sixteen birthday present," he explained.

"Jesse… you didn't have to," she told him as she examined the box.

"I wanted to."

"When? It's not like you knew you were going to see me today." Then it hit her as she thought back to when they were in the jewelry store, but she didn't think that he'd had enough time by himself to pick out and buy her something. "How?"

"When I was buying the necklace, it was in the case in front of me, almost like it was meant to be or something. Go on, open it."

She lifted the top off of the box and saw the velvet jewelry box inside of it. Taking it out, she slowly opened the lid and gasped when she saw what was inside, her lips forming an 'O'. "It's perfect," she sighed, smiling dreamily at him.

"Do you like it?" he asked, hopeful.

"I love it," she breathed out as she ran her fingertips over the "Sing Laugh Dream" sterling silver bracelet in the box. She read the words on the bracelet silently. _Live. Courage. Dance. Xoxo. Love. Treasure. Smile. Play! Laugh. Sing. Dream. Dare 2 b different. _"Thank you."

As she leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek, Jesse leaned in to give her a hug and Rachel ended up kissing him on the side of his mouth. Instead of pulling away awkwardly like her head was screaming to, she listened to her heart and stayed where she was, her lips lingering next to his. He turned his head just that little extra bit, their lips finally meeting in a ghost of a kiss. Rachel felt him start to pull back so she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling his head forward and firmly kissing him.

In response, Jesse backed her up against the car as she opened her mouth ever so slightly and he deepened their kiss. Neither one of them had ever thought that they'd be in this same position but as they continued to kiss passionately pressed up against Rachel's car, they were sure that this is exactly where they should be. And, in that moment, there was nowhere else that either of them wanted to be.

Jesse reluctantly ended their kiss and took a small step back, putting some space between them as they both tried to catch their breath. "You better head home before your dads wonder what happened to you," Jesse said, taking another step back. Rachel nodded her head in agreement as Jesse reached over and grabbed the door handle to her car, opening the door slightly.

Rachel went around to the other side of the door and stood there for a moment, a silent war waging in her head. "Thank you for… _everything_," she finally said, just before she sat in the driver's seat.

"I'm the one who should be thanking you. I'm glad I ran into you today," he replied, still holding the door ajar. After Rachel cranked up the car and rolled the window down, he shut the door and leaned down into her window.

"Have a Merry Christmas, Jesse." She was sure she had some sort of stupid, goofy grin on her face because in the span of half a day Jesse St. James had once again managed to worm his way into hear heart.

Leaning into the car, he kissed her softly one last time before pulling away again. "Happy Holidays, Rachel." As she backed out of the space and waved, Jesse knew that he was going to do whatever it took to make sure that this was just the beginning of a holiday tradition for them.


	2. December 2011

**Author's Note: **Honestly, I didn't think that this fic would venture into M territory but as I wrote this chapter, that's exactly what happened. :D I had wanted to post this on Thursday but I've been super busy this past week so I didn't have time to finish this until today. I would like to have the next chapter posted in a few days, so fingers crossed that's what happens. Enjoy this chapter! Feedback is always appreciated!

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Rachel sat at one of the tables near the dance floor talking to Kurt, Blaine and Mercedes. A week ago she had decided that she wasn't going to go to her final winter formal at McKinley. She hadn't had a date and she just hadn't felt like going to a dance. She'd made the mistake of mentioning it to Mercedes who, of course, had told Kurt who had decided that Rachel could not miss the last winter formal that she would ever attend in high school. Rachel had tried to explain it wasn't a big deal, but Kurt had informed her that when you are a senior in high school you should do everything that you can to make the most of your high school memories, date be damned.

Kurt had even dragged her shopping so she could buy the perfect dress, a short black satin strapless tiered bustier dress. She felt beautiful, which Kurt told her that was all that mattered. Besides, he'd said, there would be plenty of guys at the dance so he was sure she wouldn't be manless for too long. So that was how she'd got here, and she was glad she had listened to her friends because she was having so much fun.

"Let's go dance," Kurt suggested to everyone when a fast song came on. So they all jumped up and headed to the dance floor, dancing and laughing as they attempted to sing along with the song.

Unbeknownst to Rachel, Jesse stood just inside the entrance watching Rachel enjoy herself with her friends. God, he'd missed her more than he had realized. After they'd spent the day together last Christmas vacation, it'd taken a couple of months but they'd become best friends and now they talked every single day. Whenever he came back to Ohio, they always hung out. It was getting harder and harder to leave her each time.

After a couple of fast songs, Rachel heard the beginning chords of a slow song that she knew well. It was hers and Jesse's song, Lifehouse's 'From Where You Are'. Her heart hurt all of a sudden. "I'm gonna head back to the table," Rachel told Kurt and Blaine with a sigh. She noticed Kurt's face light up and then he looked at Rachel with a guilty expression. "What?" she asked, puzzled.

"Okay, so don't get mad at me, but I called someone to be your date," he replied, smiling mischievously.

"What? Who?" she squeaked out, not daring to turn in the direction that Kurt was currently looking.

Grasping her shoulders lightly, he smiled and turned her around to see who he had invited. Standing near the door in a black suit with a black tie was Jesse. They both simply stared at each other, unmoving. "Go," Kurt said into her ear, giving her a little push.

She was enthralled as she slowly walked towards Jesse. It almost felt like a dream or a movie, Rachel couldn't decide which.

"Hi," Jesse said softly as they finally met near the edge of the dance floor.

"Hi," was Rachel's only response. She had all sorts of questions she wanted to ask him but they would have to wait because all she wanted right now was for Jesse to wrap his arms around her. Grabbing her hand – _So far away from where you are/And I'm standing underneath the stars/And I wish you were here – _Jesse led her back to the edge of the dance floor and encircled her waist with his arms, pulling her close.

As they gently swayed to the music, they just gazed into each other's eyes. It was like everyone around them melted away and all they could see was each other. – _I miss the beating of your heart/I see the shadows of your face – _Rachel couldn't believe he was actually here. They'd talked the day before and he'd told her that he wouldn't be back for another week, yet here he was.

It had been so hard not to tell Rachel immediately when Kurt had called and told him that he had managed to talk Rachel into going to the winter formal and that Jesse needed to get back to Lima so he could help make the night unforgettable for her. Obviously, Rachel had confided in Kurt about her feelings for Jesse which was why Kurt had called Jesse. Jesse and Rachel could do the long distance relationship thing, but they'd both decided that it wasn't fair for either of them just in case they met someone else. Although, neither of them wanted to date anyone, so they may as well have been in a relationship.

They were so lost in each other that they didn't notice Kurt's self-congratulatory smug look for what he'd done or Finn off to the side of the dance floor with a slightly jealous look on his face until Santana sidled up to her boyfriend and he forgot all about his ex-girlfriend and Jesse St. James or even Mr. Schue over by the refreshment table talking to Coach Beiste and smiling slightly as he saw Jesse and Rachel completely oblivious to everyone and everything around them.

As the song was coming to an end, Jesse pulled Rachel closer and rested his forehead against hers as they continued to dance. _So far away from where you are/These miles have torn us world's apart –_ Rachel craned her neck upwards and placed a soft kiss on Jesse's lips – _And I miss you, yeah, I miss you/And I wish you were here._

"Let's get out of here," Rachel said against his lips.

"Are you sure? You got all dressed up," he asked, pulling back a little and looking her up and down. "You look stunning, by the way."

She nodded her head and smiled at him. "I'm sure."

Linking his fingers through hers, they went over to the table and got her coat then headed for the door as Rachel waved good-bye to her friends. Kurt looked so proud of himself, Rachel just had to laugh. She would have to thank him later.

"So what do you want to do?" Jesse asked once they were both inside of his car.

With a child-like grin she said, "Go look at Christmas lights."

"You never fail to surprise me, Rachel Berry," he responded with a warm smile. Ten minutes later they were driving through a neighborhood slowly ooh-ing and ahh-ing at all the decorated houses as Jesse's SUV was filled with the sound of classic Christmas music from his satellite radio. He and Rachel both preferred the crooners station because of musical greats like Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole, Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin.

As they were driving down one street with houses on both sides of the street with the most beautiful Christmas light displays, Jesse parallel parked his SUV so they could just sit and talk for a little while. With all the lights and the snow and Christmas music playing in the background, this was what Jesse loved about the holidays, the magical feeling that it had. That anything was possible.

"I can't believe you're here," Rachel sighed as she took off her seat belt and turned in her seat to look at Jesse, leaning her head against the head rest.

"Well, if it wasn't for Kurt I wouldn't have even known about your winter formal tonight," he admonished.

"I figured you had more important things on your mind than some silly high school dance," she explained, looking down at her hands. She had thought about telling him about it every time that they'd talked over the last month but whenever she was about to bring it up, she'd thought better of it.

"Rachel…" he began, waiting for her to look at him.

She looked back up at him. "Hmm?"

"Don't you know that I'd do anything for you?" he finished and reached over to entwine his fingers through hers.

"I know," she said, blushing slightly under his intense gaze. He brought her hand to his lips and placed a light kiss on the back of it. "I've missed you."

"We talk every day," he replied.

"I know. It's just…"

"Not the same," he finished for her. She nodded her head in agreement.

They sat in comfortable silence for a moment before Rachel sighed and said, "I love you." She couldn't believe that she'd just blurted out that little nugget. It had just felt right, and it was true. She loved him more than she'd ever loved anyone or anything in her entire life.

She began to get worried when he didn't say anything back. Not that she expected him to say it back to her. She knew that he might not be there quite yet, but she was glad that he at least knew how she felt. Then he was leaning towards her and his lips were on hers in a hungry kiss, burying his fingers in her hair as he pulled her even closer.

"Love you," he said softly against her lips as they pulled apart just long enough to catch their breath. Then his lips were on hers again and Rachel just couldn't get close enough to him so she started climbing over the center console to straddle Jesse's lap.

"Push your seat back," she demanded as Jesse pulled away surprised by the petite brunette that was suddenly in his lap. Jesse acquiesced to her request and pushed his seat back as far as it would go.

"Someone could see us," he told her with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"I don't care," Rachel replied before reclaiming his mouth with hers and pushing him back into the seat.

He brought his hands up to rest on her hips, squeezing lightly as Rachel's tongue grazed his teasingly. God, she was amazing and she really had no idea just how much. He'd wanted to do this very thing every time they'd hung out over the past year, but they'd managed to keep their hormones in-check somehow.

She ground herself against him slowly and Rachel smiled as Jesse's groan of pleasure rumbled through her chest. So naturally, she did it again, only this time a little faster which caused Jesse to jerk his head back away from her.

"Rachel…" he warned as he looked at her through lust-filled eyes. She bit her lip innocently before she ground herself against his growing arousal again. This time it was Rachel who let out a low moan, the feeling of Jesse's hands running up her sides and then the friction between them as she moved against him causing all sorts of sensations to rush through her body.

"We need to stop," Jesse tried again. He couldn't believe that he was trying to end their make out session, but here he was, being the sensible one.

She didn't want to stop though so she moved against him again. "Feel me," she whispered as she grabbed one of his hands and moved it down her body to between her legs. "Please," she begged as she could feel the heat of his hand almost touching her. She was being so open and vulnerable with him right now. How could he deny her?

"Are you sure?"

She nodded slightly, smiling unabashedly at him. He rubbed her gently through her panties at first, their eyes locked on one another. Then he pushed one finger inside of her and watched as she threw her head back in a moan of pleasure. In and out his fingers moved, fluttering inside of her as his thumb drew lazy circles around her bundle of nerves. She rested her head next to his as he kissed and sucked on her neck, all the while panting and moaning over the things that the was doing to her.

Rachel had never felt anything so wonderful in her entire life. He knew exactly where to touch her, how to touch her. When they had dated two years ago, he'd learned the exact spot on her neck that drove her crazy and he apparently hadn't forgotten where it was as he continued to kiss and suck and nip which only enhanced the feeling of pleasure that she was experiencing with the magnificent things that his fingers were doing to her. Then it was like fireworks exploded behind her eyes as she cried out and her body shook from her release. She felt Jesse's free arm wrap around her and hold her close as her body continued to shudder.

When her orgasm finally subsided she leaned back and looked at him adoringly. He reached up and brushed her hair back gently away from her face, resting his hand against her cheek as she leaned into it. "I love you," he said, just in case she hadn't fully heard him when he'd told her before.

This time it was Rachel who reached up and cupped his face in her hands, kissing him languidly. They were interrupted by a tap on Jesse's passenger side window, and they both froze. Looking over they saw it was a foot patrol police officer knocking on the window with his flashlight. Jesse rolled down the window as Rachel buried her face in Jesse's shoulder.

"Uh, good evening officer," Jesse said, rubbing Rachel's back soothingly trying to reassure her that everything would be fine.

"Look, I don't want to give either of you a citation so if you live here I need you guys to go inside your house or I need you to move your car. Understand?" the officer explained.

"Yes, sir," Jesse agreed. "Thank you."

"You guys have a good night and a Merry Christmas," the officer responded.

"You too, officer," Jesse said as the cop continued walking and Jesse rolled up the passenger window. "He's gone," he told Rachel quietly, still gently rubbing her back.

"Oh my God," Rachel exclaimed dramatically, burying her face in her hands as she sat up. "I thought I was about to go to jail for indecent exposure."

Jesse chuckled. "You're fully clothed, Rach."

"What if he'd come up five minutes sooner?" she asked frantically, realizing what the cop might have seen.

"Rachel, you're wearing a dress. He wouldn't have seen anything except maybe your O-face," he teased with a lecherous grin. Rachel smacked his arm before climbing back over the center console to the passenger seat.

She looked out the window, pouting slightly at his teasing, until she felt his thumb rubbing her bare shoulder. He had the sexiest smile on his face as Rachel turned to look at him. "I plan on seeing a lot more of that face," he whispered as he leaned over and kissed her lightly on the lips. Rachel blushed as he pulled back to look at her before he reached over and grabbed his seat belt to put it on.

Ten minutes later, they were parked in her driveway saying good-night to each other. "Tomorrow?" Jesse asked.

"Absolutely," Rachel happily agreed. She leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. "Good night, Jesse."

"Good night, Rachel," he replied as she opened the passenger door to get out. As he watched to make sure that she made it inside her house safely, he leaned his head back and sighed happily, grinning from ear-to-ear. She was really his again. Finally.


	3. December 2012

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the slight delay in getting this posted. It actually took me a big longer to finish than I would've liked but Christmas shopping and work have been kept me from having a lot of free time. I also got sidetracked with a random Jon/Lea RPF that'll probably never see the light of day. Since I'm not Jewish and don't know that much about Hanukkah, I was going to steer clear of it but I felt like there should be at least one part of this fic that had Hanukkah for Rachel. Reviews are always wonderful, if you like it or if you don't. :) Enjoy!

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December in New York. There really was nothing like it. Last year, during Jesse's spring semester at UCLA he'd applied to Tisch and had been accepted. It had been where he'd wanted to go originally, but when UCLA had offered him a full-ride, he just couldn't turn it down. After two years in LA, Jesse was ready to move to the city where his dreams were going to come true. The city where all his hard work and sacrifice was finally going to pay off.

Of course, when he'd learned that Rachel had also been accepted it had just made him that much more sure that he'd made the right decision to transfer schools. Not that he would ever determine his education or risk his Broadway dreams on a girl, but knowing that she was going to be by his side on a daily basis made him happy. They'd thought about getting an apartment together and forgoing the dorms until Rachel's dads had completely shot down the idea. They had told her that she was too young to live with her boyfriend and if she wanted them to pay for her housing then she'd have to live in a dorm on campus.

After living in dorms for two years at UCLA, Jesse had decided that he wanted to live off-campus so he found a great one-bedroom apartment near campus with a spectacular view of the Manhattan skyline. Rachel stayed at his place most nights, so she might as well have lived with him, but her dads didn't know that. Although, her dads weren't stupid so they most likely figured that Rachel stayed with Jesse quite a bit, but it probably made them feel better knowing that she did have her own place.

Jesse was going to celebrate his first Hanukkah this year. Because classes were still in session, Rachel wasn't going to be able to go home to Ohio to be with her dads. So Jesse was going to do what he could to make sure that she enjoyed her first Hanukkah away from her dads as much as possible. Jesse had gone out and bought a menorah and put up blue and white lights in his apartment along with a lighted Star of David. For their meal on their first night of Hanukkah he'd bought some donuts and latkes to eat with the rest of the food that he was preparing. Jesse was just glad that Rachel had become a bit more lax in her diet and was now more of a vegetarian than vegan. It made nights like this a hell of a lot easier for him.

He'd invited Rachel to come over to his place at 6 o'clock, and he couldn't wait to see the look on her face since she had no idea that he was doing all of this for her. Rachel was always punctual so it was no surprise when she waltzed into his apartment at 6 o'clock on the dot. The doorman knew Rachel by now and she had a key to his apartment so she could come over whenever she wanted.

The moment she walked into his apartment she stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes wide and her mouth open in complete surprise. She knew that he was obviously inviting her over for dinner because it was the first night of Hanukkah but she had no idea that he would do all of this. "Jesse," she said in amazement as she breathed in the smell of the food he was preparing and looked at the lights and decorations that he'd scattered around his apartment.

"I did a pretty damn good job," he replied cockily, proud of how everything had turned out.

Walking over to him, she wrapped her arms around his waist. "Yes, you did," she agreed, planting a kiss on his lips. She thought it was adorable how pleased he was with himself. "And you cooked for me."

"Well, that's not really anything new," he teased.

"Hey, I don't have a kitchen to cook in," she responded, slightly affronted.

"Yeah, yeah. We both know I'm a better cook than you," he said softly, pulling her closer and leaning down towards her lips again with a shit-eating grin.

"You wish," Rachel retorted half-heartedly. It was hard to have any sort of argument when he was this close to her and looking at her in a way that made her forget what they'd been talking about in the first place.

He moved away from her lips and let his lips graze her neck as he whispered, "You know I'm right. I'm _always_ right."

Rachel attempted a laugh, but he had started kissing her neck so instead it came out as more of a whimper.

"I think we should start with dessert first and then move on to the main course," he mused, just before brushing her lips with his lightly.

"Mmm hmm," Rachel mumbled, fully expecting a passionate kiss to follow but instead Jesse released her from his arms and winked at her as he walked into the kitchen and she stood there in shock, mouth hanging open. She couldn't believe that he'd just left her hanging like that.

"Donut?" Jesse asked with a smirk as he picked up the plate to show Rachel.

"Have I ever told you how evil you are? Because you are. And mean," she told him, pouting as she walked over to the kitchen island laying her coat on the back of a barstool and leaned on the counter, taking a donut off the plate.

"I'll take it," he quipped, raising his eyebrows. "It's better than some of the stuff you've called me in the past."

"_This_," Rachel said, holding up the donut. "Is the only dessert you're going to be getting tonight."

"Whoa, whoa. Let's not make any rash decisions," he said, trying to hide his smile.

"Keep it up, St. James," she threatened just before she bit into the donut.

"And here I was planning on giving _this_," pulling a small wrapped box out of his pocket, "to you later. If you can hold out, I guess I can too."

"Ugh, you are so obnoxious. Do you know that?" she declared, exasperated.

"I love when you compliment me," Jesse smirked as he put the box back in his pocket and turned around to check on the food that was warming in the oven. "But alas, flattery will get you nowhere," he added over his shoulder. He loved when they bantered. Sometimes she would get frustrated with him and stop speaking to him altogether, but other times she would give it right back to him, like she was at that moment.

Rachel just rolled her eyes in amusement. "_Why _are you my boyfriend again? Because right now it's escaping me."

As he closed the oven and turned around, Jesse had a completely smug but sexy grin plastered on his face. "Well, let's see. I'm a complete god in bed," he replied as he swaggered towards her. Rachel had to give him that. He really was a sex god.

"I'm ridiculously good-looking. And completely sexy," he continued teasingly, winking at her. So far he hadn't been wrong about any of it even if he was joking. A little.

"We were born to sing together," he said, getting serious as he stopped in front of her and continued listing reasons why they were together. He reached up and ran his hand through her hair, pushing some of it behind her ear. She had to admit that he was right about them being born to sing together too. She knew it the moment she'd heard him sing for the first time at the piano in the music section of the library just a few years ago. Rachel remembered thinking that she'd found her musical soulmate that day.

"All the things that you don't like about yourself, they're what I love the most," he nearly whispered, his fingertips brushing her cheek lightly. Rachel blushed and smiled up at him.

"I love you." He placed a feather-light kiss on her right cheek. "I need you." He placed another soft kiss on her left cheek. "And I can't imagine my life without you," he finished just before he kissed her lips.

"Good answer," she told him as he pulled back, her face still cupped in his hands as he gently caressed her cheeks with his thumbs.

"I do what I can," he replied with a warm smile. "Are you hungry?"

"Starving," Rachel admitted. She took a deep breath to smell the food that was currently in the oven. The food that Jesse had prepared for them smelled absolutely delicious. "But first there's something we need to do." She looked over at the menorah and Jesse nodded in understanding, so he grabbed a lighter and they went over to the menorah that was currently sitting on Jesse's sofa table unlit.

"Do your dads usually do the blessings or do you?" Jesse had done as much research as he possibly could to try to learn about Hanukkah. He knew there were many things that digging around on the internet just wouldn't help him with, but he was sure Rachel wouldn't mind telling him anything he wanted to know. "I printed out the blessings in Hebrew," he stated proudly, then he thought about that for a moment. "Well, not Hebrew characters but the phonetic translation of the characters."

Rachel smiled at how adorable he could be sometimes. "I'm the one that says the blessings at our house," she told him. Then she recited the blessings in Hebrew and explained to Jesse what they meant after each one.

Jesse handed Rachel the lighter and watched as she lit the center candle which she then picked up and lit the very first of the other eight candles. Placing the shamash back in it's holder, she turned and smiled at Jesse. "Thank you for doing this." She wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. "You have no idea how much this means to me."

Resting his cheek on top of her head, he replied, "Rach, we established a long time ago that there's nothing I won't do for you. Nothing." He kissed the top of her head. "Let's go eat."

She followed him into the kitchen and grabbed some pot holders and hot plates for the table. As she placed the hot plates on the table she noticed that he'd even gone with a blue and white theme for the place settings. Well, he already had the white dishes, but the blue table runner was a nice touch, she thought. She knew that it was all about the details for Jesse and it seemed he hadn't missed a thing tonight.

Turning back and heading into the kitchen, she smiled to herself as she watched Jesse take all of the food out of the oven and set it on the counter. It was moments like this where Rachel could imagine their life together ten years down the road. She loved how absolutely domestic he could be at times. Jesse looked up to see Rachel watching him, "What?" he asked with a smile.

"Nothing," she lied, returning his smile and walking back over to him to help him carry the food to the table. Looking at the dinner that he had prepared of Carrot and Sweet Potato Tzimmes, Steamed broccoli and cauliflower, Potato Latkes and a Fresh Fruit Relish, she realized that it was the spread that she and her dads usually had every year. "Did you…"

"Yeah, I talked to your dads," he finished for her.

Rachel felt tears start to well up in her eyes, so she focused on her plate so Jesse wouldn't see.

"Rach, what's wrong?" Jesse asked, reaching over and gently touching her arm. "Did I screw something up?"

She shook her head and looked up at him, eyes glistening with unshed tears. "It's perfect," she said quietly before leaning over to place a gentle kiss on his lips.

An hour later after they'd eaten dinner and cleaned up all of the dishes, they cuddled up together on Jesse's couch. "So how was your first Hanukkah away from your dads?" he asked, pulling her a little more tightly against him.

"It was hard not being with them, but it's been wonderful spending it with you." Rachel wasn't sure if she could ever fully express to Jesse how much it meant to her that he had done all of this just so she could have a little piece of home in New York. One day, she hoped that she would be able to do something like this for him.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Jesse said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the small wrapped box that he'd taunted her with earlier.

"I thought you were going to hold out," she teased. She nudged him in the side a little as she looked up at him and smiled.

He leaned down so his lips were just a hair's-breadth away from hers, whispering huskily "I'm pretty sure that I am getting lucky tonight, so it's only fair that I give you your present." She felt her body start to hum at the thought of what was to come later. He handed her the box, but stopped her before she started to open it. "Okay, I know I'm supposed to build up to a big gift on the last night but this will make everything else that I got you make sense."

Now she was really curious as to what was in the box. She glanced up at him as she eagerly unwrapped the box and lifted the top off of the box. Rachel had thought that he had got her a piece of jewelry but she was a little shocked when she saw a folded up piece of paper inside the box. Looking up at Jesse quizzically, she opened up the paper wondering what it was. She gasped as she read what was on the paper.

"Jesse…"she breathed, touching her fingertips to her lips. "We're going to London next December?" He just simply grinned at her and nodded. She looked down at the paper, reading it again just to make sure she didn't misread it the first time. "And we're staying at the St. Regis?" She threw her arms around his neck in excitement.

"I'm glad you like it," he said, wrapping his arms around his extremely happy girlfriend.

She pulled back slightly so she could look at him. "You know I would've been perfectly happy if your gift to me was dinner and everything else you did to make this Hanukkah special for me."

"I know and that's why I did it," he explained, reaching up and brushing her cheek with the back of his hand lovingly.

"Now I feel like I should've done something more for your gift," she confessed. Rachel hadn't really expected a gift, but she knew Jesse and he never celebrated a birthday or a holiday without giving a gift so she had figured that he would most likely get her something small. Never, in a million years, did she think that he would book them a trip for them to spend the holidays in London next year.

"You got me a gift?" Jesse asked.

"Of course I did." Rachel stood up and walked across the living room to the bedroom, stopping in the middle of the bedroom doorway to turn around.

"Are you going to give it to me?" he asked, slightly puzzled.

"Well, it's underneath this dress." With a wicked grin she undid the tie on her wrap dress, that she'd worn just for this very purpose, and let the dress fall to the floor revealing a bright azure blue see-through lacy baby doll halter with matching thongs.

Jesse didn't hesitate a moment as he stood and walked over to Rachel, crashing his lips against hers as he slid his hands down to cup her bottom and lift her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her over to his bed and they both fell onto it in a pile of limbs as they kissed deeply. Jesse pulled back to get a good look at Rachel as she lay sprawled beneath him.

She looked up at him adoringly, running her hand through his wavy locks as he reached down to undo the tie in the middle of her breasts. "Happy Hanukkah, Jesse."


	4. December 2017

**Author's Note: **There was a reason that angst was part of the description for this story and it was because of possible chapters like this. Please review and let me know what you guys think.

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If you had asked Jesse St. James five years ago how he would be spending this New Year's Eve, he wouldn't even have hesitated a moment before saying that he and Rachel would be together. Either at some loud yet glamorous party or ringing in the new year by making love in the quiet of their apartment (because, of course, they would have been living together by now). He was so very wrong about what the future had held for them.

After everything they had been through together over the years, Jesse thought they were unbreakable. He was wrong. He thought they were soulmates who would be together forever no matter what the fates threw their way because the love they had for each other ran so deep it was in their bones. He went back and forth with that one depending on the day. Sometimes he felt like he'd been the most wrong about that one but most of the time he knew that was still true but that love isn't always enough.

Before they'd made their trip to London four years ago, Jesse had talked to one of his professors who had set up a meeting for Jesse with a casting director for a new show that they were going to start workshops for in the spring and he thought Jesse would be perfect for one of the parts. Rachel had been so excited for him, both of them thinking that this could possibly be Jesse's big break. The casting director had loved Jesse and asked him if he could come back to London for the workshop in March, and of course, Jesse had agreed.

He and Rachel had celebrated the fact that he may have finally caught the break he was looking for. Their time in London was perfect. Neither one of them thinking what the separation might mean to their relationship. Why would they have worried about that though? They'd weathered distance before and come through stronger than ever. This time wouldn't be any different.

They were both wrong. Jesse had been cast and signed a year contract to star in the new production. He and Rachel had hoped that when she finished with school that she could join him in London and maybe start living the same dream that he was currently living. She went on an audition for a Broadway show that had been looking for a replacement for one of its departing leads six months after Jesse had moved to London, thinking that she would never get cast but she got the part.

That was when their lives had started moving in two different directions. They skyped as often as they could with their busy schedules and rarely got to see each other with their lack of time off. Jesse had been ready to move back to New York and start auditioning for shows there when he'd been approached by the same casting director that had cast him in his current production. There was an extremely popular musical that was very interested in having him as their lead when his contract for his current show was up. He had skyped Rachel since he needed to see her face and they'd talked about what he should do.

"I want to take it, but I don't want be away from you for another six months or a year," he confessed. He hated that he had reached a point where he was actually thinking of putting a girl before his dreams. But the reality was that Rachel wasn't just any girl and somewhere along the way, she'd become a bigger part of his dreams than being a star.

"Jesse, I don't want you to turn down an opportunity like this because of me," she told him. "Opportunities like this don't come around every day." She paused for a moment. He could see on her face that this was hard for her too. "I think you should take it. I'm not going anywhere."

"Have I told you how much I love you lately?" he asked, reaching for the screen and lightly touching it, wishing it was her.

"Every day," she beamed.

So he'd taken it and she'd continued her run on Broadway. He'd felt her growing distant at first but figured that it was just, well, distance. He had managed to get some time off and had flown back home to New York for the weekend to spend it with Rachel. The last night they were together, they'd been sitting and cuddling on the floor next to her fireplace when they both said that they needed to talk.

"You first," Jesse said, smiling at Rachel who had shifted away from him and was fully facing him.

She looked down at her hands, playing with her nails. "I…" she started but didn't finish.

"Rachel, whatever it is, you can tell me," he reassured her, leaning over to run a comforting hand up her arm but she flinched away from him.

"Please don't do that," she said, finally looking up at him with tears in her eyes.

Jesse was confused by her sudden change in behavior. They'd spent a wonderful weekend together and he couldn't wait to tell her, or ask in this case, what he'd been dying to all weekend. He reached into his pocket absentmindedly. "What's wrong?"

"I've met someone else," she finally admitted, tears streaming down her face.

He felt like he'd just been socked in the gut. He couldn't breath. He couldn't speak. He wasn't even sure if he'd understood her right. She met someone else?

"He's in another musical in the theater next to mine and we've been spending a lot of time together and I really like him and I don't want to hurt you but I know that I am," she rushed out.

"Have you…" he couldn't bare to finish his question.

"No!" she exclaimed. "I would never do that to you. Never." She didn't know what to do. She wanted to reach out to him for comfort, but she knew that she couldn't. She was the one doing this to him right now and it was unfair of her to expect any kind of solace.

"I'm sorry. I don't… It's just been really hard not being with you and I need someone who's here every day and you're not. You can't be," she explained.

"But you told me to take this job!" he bellowed, standing up. "You told me that you weren't going anywhere! Ever! You lied to me!" Hot tears stung his eyes as his fist clenched in his pocket and he wrapped his hand around the small velvet box currently in his pocket. _How could I have been so naïve and stupid?_ he thought, angrily.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed.

"You don't get to cry and try and make me feel guilty!" he yelled, advancing on her. "You did this to us!"

All that escaped Rachel was a quiet sob.

"Do you love him?" his yelling being replaced by quiet rage. She couldn't look at him as she continued to cry. "Answer me, Rachel. Do. You. Love. Him?" he asked punctuating each word.

"I don't know," she finally whispered. She heard a crack come from his pocket and wondered what that was. Wondered what he had in it.

"Then we're done," he told her. And with that he turned around and headed for her front door.

"Jesse! Wait!" she cried.

"Just send my things to the Four Seasons," he hissed, opening her front door. "Good-bye Rachel." He walked out and slammed the door behind him.

Jesse took the stairs down to the lobby instead of the elevator so he could burn off some of his anger. It didn't work. He walked all the way to the Four Seasons and checked into a room. Finally when he was in the privacy of his hotel room, he pulled the box that he'd broken out of his pocket to look at the contents inside. It was a nearly 4-carat canary-yellow diamond cushion-cut ring. He'd remembered the type of ring that Rachel had been fantasizing about all those years ago when they'd gone shopping together and he'd seen her pretending that one of the rings was on her finger.

Tears streamed silently down his face as he thought of the unsaid words that he'd wanted to utter to her. He had signed a new contract for a new show recently and was about to move back to New York in a few months. He'd wanted to surprise her and now that they would finally be in the same city, he'd finally be able to make her officially his. That was all over now. They weren't kids anymore. He didn't know if he'd ever be able to get over a betrayal like this. His heart was broken in so many pieces he wasn't sure that he'd ever be able to put it back together.

He'd moved back to New York two years ago and he'd done everything that he could to avoid Rachel. He knew that since they were both on Broadway it'd be hard to avoid each other but he had managed to do so with the exception of just a few occasions. This New Year's Eve party being one of those occasions.

About a year ago, he'd started dating one of his co-stars, Chloe Haskell. Dating one of his co-stars had actually been one of his cardinal rules not to be broken, but he'd met her at a time when he'd needed companionship. She'd been a great friend and eventually he'd fallen for her. She had slowly helped him forget about Rachel Berry and the heartbreak that she had left behind.

Six months ago, Jesse had put on a concert at Joe's Pub. He had made quite a name for himself once he had returned to New York. People loved him in the musical that he was starring in and the fact that he was a single, straight man helped him with the tabloid papers. He drew quite a crowd to his concert including the one person that he'd silently hoped would come but he didn't think that she would actually show.

He'd gone through an entire hour long set before he'd noticed Rachel sitting off to the right-hand side with some of her girl friends. The last song he'd sang to finish off his set was "Hometown Glory" and when he'd seen Rachel, he'd focused on her as he belted out the song. _I like it in the city when the air is so thick and opaque/ I love it to see everybody in short skirts, shorts and shades/ I like it the city when two worlds collide._ As he sang the song, he kept his eyes locked with hers. It felt like old times. He had seen her waiting around after the show but he talked to everybody he could and hoped that she would get the hint and leave eventually. She did.

Chloe had asked if he wanted to go to a New Year's Eve party that some producer was throwing and he'd agreed not really thinking about who else might possibly be there. Jesse had only been at the party for five minutes before he'd seen her. With him. Rachel was with the guy that he knew had been the reason for his and Rachel's break-up. On the one hand, it hurt to think that she'd been with him as nearly as long as he and Rachel had been together, on the other hand, he wanted to wish the guy luck if he actually thought he would make anything work with Rachel in the long run.

Yes, he was still bitter and he wasn't afraid to admit it. He was also with a woman that loved him and who made him happy. She wanted to be with him and only him. And she adored him. Life with her was wonderful, so why did he question if this was what life was supposed to be like for him sometimes.

Chloe dragged him over to a group of people so they could chat and unfortunately for him, Rachel was in that group of people. Chloe knew the whole story (well, except for the tiny little detail that he had planned on proposing to Rachel and even still had the ring stashed away in one of his dresser drawers) and told him that he needed to stop holding a grudge and just get over it already. She told him that one day he would probably have to work with Rachel. He'd only agreed with her in order to avoid an argument. A part of him felt like if she really knew him that she would've wondered why he didn't put up more of a fight. Although, she only knew the parts of him that he allowed her to see. It was better that way.

Midnight rolled around and the waiters passed around the glasses of champagne to all of the party goers as they counted down to midnight. Somehow, Jesse ended up a couple of people away from Rachel.

"Five…four…three…two…one…Happy New Year!" everyone screamed. Jesse kissed Chloe and saw Rachel kissing her boyfriend (Jesse knew his name but he would never think it or say it outloud) out of the corner of his eye. Then everyone turned around and started wishing all of their friends a happy new year. Rachel and Jesse looked at each other awkwardly as everyone around them pecked and embraced. Finally, they both leaned in and kissed each other on the cheek.

"Happy New Year," they both said quietly to each other, lingering next to each other's lips. The spark that Jesse had hoped would have gone away by now was still very much there inside of him. It hadn't burnt out at all, in fact, it'd grown stronger. He hated himself for it.

He turned and tried to engage in the lively chatter of a small group he and Chloe were standing with, but he couldn't focus on anything that they were saying. His mind was elsewhere. "I need some air," he whispered to Chloe, giving her a quick kiss on the lips. She smiled at him and nodded. He walked to the stairs and headed for the roof-top terrace. It was stifling in that apartment.

When he reached the roof he wished that he'd stayed down there because staring at the city was Rachel. He turned around and started to head back downstairs until Rachel's voice stopped him, "Jesse, please don't go."

He'd never been able to refuse her so he turned back around to see what she wanted. "How are you?" she finally asked.

"Really? That's what you're going to ask? Two and a half years go by and you're going to act like we're just old friends catching up?" he asked bitterly.

"How do you want me to act?" she spat back.

"Act like you broke my fucking heart and just ignore me. Okay?" he nearly yelled. He didn't want to be as angry as he was but he couldn't help how he felt in this moment.

"I can't do that," she confessed, rushing over to him, laying a hand on his arm in an attempt to stop him from going back downstairs. He ripped his arm out of her grasp, surprising Rachel, and he took a few steps away from her.

"What do you want from me?" he asked, angrily. "Do you want me to pretend like we can be friends?"

"Why can't we?" she asked, desperately clinging to some hope that she could have him in her life somehow. She'd missed him so much since they'd ended things. When they broke up, she lost not only her lover but her best friend, but she'd had no one to blame but herself so she lived with the void that he'd left in her heart and life.

Jesse's jaw clenched and unclenched for a moment. "Because I don't want you in my life," Jesse told her with such spite that Rachel felt like he had just slapped her.

Regaining her composure, she retorted, "But I let you back in my life when you hurt me so badly all those years ago so why can't you do the same for me?"

"We're not in high school anymore, Rachel," he sneered. "You didn't just crack an egg over my head and break up with me after dating for three months. We were together for _three years_, we were in love, I was going to propose to you that weekend and you blind-sided me!" His voice had increased a decibel or two as he went on his tirade.

He noticed the shocked expression on Rachel's face. "You what?" she asked, her voice quivering.

Jesse closed his eyes as he realized his slip. _Shit_, he swore to himself. That was the one thing that he had wanted to make sure Rachel never found out. He had been naïve when he'd come to New York with some romantic idea about proposing to her in some epic fashion. He didn't look at her as he walked around her and towards the edge of the terrace.

"Jesse…" she started, following him and standing next to him. He could feel her arm brush the sleeve of his jacket.

"Just please go, Rachel," he pleaded so softly it was almost a whisper.

"I need to know," she nearly begged. "Please. And then I'll walk away. Forever, if that's what you want." Her vision blurring with the tears that were pooling in her eyes.

Jesse put his hands on the wall of the terrace, leaning on it and sighing in defeat before he turned to look at her. "I had bought a ring and I was going to tell you that I was moving back to New York and then I was going to ask you to marry me."

Rachel placed her hand on his arm and he allowed her to move it so she was in between him and the terrace wall. While she did love her boyfriend, she was sure that she would never love him as much as she loved Jesse in this moment. She expected him to flinch or pull away when she reached up and lightly traced the contours of his face, instead he just closed his eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "So sorry."

He finally opened his eyes to look at her and it hurt to see all the emotions waging war behind them. She didn't know what possessed her but before she knew it, her lips were on his. He pulled out of her grasp and away from her, "Don't."

Rachel noticed that even though he'd pulled back, he hadn't stepped away from her. She was still between his body and the terrace wall. She put her hands on either side of his face and waited for him to tell her to stop or for him to walk away from her. He didn't do either. He just looked back at her with an intensity that Rachel knew well. Her eyes darted from his lips back to his eyes as she leaned up slowly and placed a tentative kiss on his lips.

Then she felt his arms wrap around her small frame as he finally kissed her back, his lips moving feverishly against hers. She bit back a low moan at the familiar sensation of the feeling of his tongue on hers. The familiar taste of him and the warmth and strength of his touch.

Jesse knew he should stop kissing her and walk away, but there was this undeniable gravitational pull between he and Rachel. He ran his hands underneath the wrap that she had around her shoulders and grazed his fingertips over the expanse of skin that was exposed with the low-cut back of her dress. He let his hands roam as his tongue explored the familiar contours of her mouth.

A small whimper escaped Rachel's lips as she felt Jesse's hands slip underneath the fabric on the back of her dress to wrap her more tightly in his arms. He pulled their bodies flush together, and she felt the bulge in his pants brush against her. It took everything in her not to reach down and take him in her hands or to hook her leg around his hip and rub herself against him.

Their lips parted for a brief second, long enough for them to both catch their breath but their lips were still brushing against one another when Rachel made the fatal mistake of muttering, "Jesse…" That one little word seemed to break whatever spell Jesse had been under because he backed away from her so suddenly that it was almost like she had burned him. The expression on his face was a mixture of disgust and regret. Rachel never thought that he'd look at her that way.

"I don't know what I'm doing," he told her, wiping his lips with the back of his hand, hoping that there was no lipstick on them.

"It's…" she began starting to reach out for him again but he cut her off.

"It's not okay, Rachel," he hissed as he ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "Don't you get it? I don't love you anymore." He had nothing more to say to her so he turned on his heel and headed for the stairs back down to the apartment. He hated himself for being weak once again when it came to Rachel. He should have walked away the first time she kissed him, but he had wanted her. He had wanted to kiss her, and possibly do more, but when she'd said his name it had brought him back to reality. She had broken his heart. She had met someone else and wanted to end things with him. And he had finally, truly moved on. It hurt him to admit it but it was the truth. He went to find Chloe so they could go home and he could get far away from his past.

Rachel stood on the terrace, motionless. If she thought that it had hurt when they broke up, then hearing Jesse tell her that he didn't love her anymore was complete and utter devastation. She had never felt a soul-wrenching pain like hearing him tell her that he didn't love her anymore. Her heart might as well have just been ripped out of her chest. Since she was still breathing, she guessed that it _was_ possible to live without her heart. In the back of her mind, she'd always sort of held out hope that eventually they would find their way back to each other.

She didn't think that anymore.

They'd burned bright and hot like a star when they were together but they were always bound to go supernova and end up like the blackholes that they currently were. Empty, nothingness. This was not the ending that she had imagined for her and Jesse, but he had once promised her epic romance so she should've known then that this would be how it would end for them. Epic romances didn't have happy endings and if they did, she couldn't think of a single one at this very moment. This was always their fate. Apart and broken-hearted. _Happy fucking 2018, Rachel_, she thought to herself.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I know it was a pretty angsty ending for this chapter. Sorry about that. I thought that I was going to do an entire 5-part fluffy story but I was just so inspired by this idea yesterday that I had to embrace the angst and break St. Berry up for the time being. If you've read anything else I've written, you know that I would never end a fic with them apart so the fluff or something close to fluff will return next chapter.


	5. December 2019

**Author's Note:** I had hoped to have this posted before Christmas but this chapter ended up being A LOT longer than I thought it was going to be. Hopefully, you guys think that this chapter was worth the wait. Oh, and thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story so far. All the feedback really does inspire me to want to write even more. Enjoy!

* * *

The last two years had felt more like five years to Rachel and Jesse. So much had happened after they rang in 2018 and had gone their separate ways.

After that fateful New Year's Eve with Jesse, it was six months, fourteen days, twenty-one hours and fifteen minutes before Rachel finally found the courage to attempt to talk to Jesse again. Too bad she had to have alcohol to find that courage.

Rachel was out with her three best girl friends (Kara, Anne and Charlie) when she realized that it was Jesse's 27th birthday. "It's Jesse's birthday today," Rachel suddenly blurted out to her friends as they sat around chatting at their small high-top table in a local bar that they frequented.

"Call him, Rach!" Kara encouraged.

"I don't know if I should. You guys weren't up on that roof-top New Year's Eve," she said, deflating a bit as she thought of what he'd said and how he'd walked away from her.

"Okay, obviously you're going to need some more liquid courage," Anne replied, motioning for their waiter.

"I don't want to drunk dial him, Anne!" Rachel exclaimed. "I'm already on my third drink," she continued, motioning towards her martini.

"And it doesn't seem to be doing the trick, so shots it is," she replied with a laugh as the waiter came over to take her order.

"I can't do a shot. I'll be hung over for the show tomorrow," Rachel protested.

"Like you haven't done that before," Charlie piped up. _Rather unhelpfully,_ Rachel thought. Sending her friend a dirty look out of the corner of her eye.

"Listen, Rach, you've been single for almost five months now and you haven't been on a single date," Kara said, her voice laced with concern.

"At all," Charlie added. Rachel just rolled her eyes at Charlie's once again unhelpful comment.

"Don't forget, we were with you at Joe's Pub. We know you still have feelings for him. Like _deep_ feelings," Kara explained.

"I do not," Rachel denied vehemently. She knew it was stupid to try and deny it, but her pride just wouldn't let her admit to it. Harboring feelings for a man who didn't return those feelings was something her high school self would've done, she wasn't that same girl anymore. Or at least, she didn't want to be.

"Rachel, you were completely broken up over what happened with him on New Year's Eve. Are you forgetting that we had to pull you out of bed after two days of you lying there crying and watching every depressing movie you own?" Kara rebutted.

Rachel liked to try and forget about those few days following New Year's Eve. It was not the best way to start out her year. She kicked herself every day for not just letting him walk away from her when he'd come up on the roof in the first place. She could have continued to live the lie that they both still loved each other and would be back together sooner rather than later. "I remember," she finally admitted out loud.

"Plus, since Page Six seems to track Jesse's every move, we know that he and Chloe broke up a few months ago too and he's not really seeing anyone," Kara said. "So you're both single again."

"If nothing else, maybe you guys can become friends," Charlie added. Finally something that didn't make Rachel want to hit Charlie upside her head.

The waiter brought over their drinks and Anne put two in front of Rachel while the other girls each had one. "I don't need this many!" Rachel protested, trying to shove one of them towards Anne.

"Yes, you do," Anne disagreed and pushed the shot back to Rachel. "Do the shot, Rach."

Wanting to avoid an argument, Rachel took the first shot and gulped it down, the liquid burning her throat as it went down. Her friends had all finished their one shot so she looked down at the second, took a deep breath and took the other shot.

"Here's the deal," Anne started, grabbing Rachel's phone. "You have exactly half an hour to actually pick up the phone yourself and call him. If you don't, then I'm calling and handing the phone to you."

"You wouldn't," Rachel said in disbelief.

"I would," Anne replied with a smug look.

Rachel just glared at her friend, then she looked down at her phone. She wanted to talk to him so badly but she wasn't sure that he would even pick up the phone when he saw her number pop up on his phone and she just didn't know if her heart could take that rejection. So for the next fifteen minutes she talked to her friends and found that it was nearly impossible not to stare longingly at her phone. "Give me the phone," Rachel finally declared as she started to feel a bit more confident about actually calling Jesse.

Her friends cheered happily as she went through her contact list and found Jesse's number. As she put the phone to her ear they were all giving her thumbs up while she waited for the phone to start ringing. Finally it started ringing and after a few rings, Jesse answered.

"Rachel?" he was obviously surprised that she would call him, but at least he'd answered his phone. And hadn't deleted her number.

Rachel grinned broadly at her friends before saying anything to Jesse. "Happy birthday!" she exclaimed excitedly.

"Thank you," Jesse replied, laughing.

"Are you out celebrating?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm out with some friends," he told her. Rachel could hear a male voice talking in the background to Jesse but couldn't make out what he was saying. She had called and wished him a happy birthday like she'd wanted to, so she decided that she would just let him go.

"Listen, Jesse, I'll let you get back to your friends. I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday."

"Thanks, Rachel," he responded. It was hard to make out with all the noise in the bar she was in and the background noise from the bar that he was in, but she could've sworn that his voice had softened. Or maybe it was just the alcohol and her wishful thinking. "It was good to hear your voice."

"You too," she replied, hoping that he couldn't hear the sigh in her voice. "Have fun tonight."

"Thanks! You too!" And with that they both hung up the phone. She grinned at her friends as they all stared expectantly at her.

"Well?" Kara asked.

"He answered the phone and actually talked to me, even though it wasn't for very long, but it's a start," she replied with a grin on her face.

"Maybe all hope isn't lost after all?" Anne asked, hopefully.

"Maybe not," she agreed. "I need another drink though."

It wasn't until September, three months after Jesse's birthday, that Rachel spoke to Jesse again. They had both been asked to come in and read for the parts of Tony and Maria for a revival of West Side Story. Rachel was completely shocked when she opened the door to the room where the read was supposed to take place to find Jesse standing there talking to one of the producers. She'd heard rumblings that they were interested in casting Jesse as Tony but she wasn't expecting him to be here today.

"Hi," Rachel tried to say as nonchalantly as possible as she walked up to Jesse and the producer.

Jesse just smiled at her – _slightly guarded_, she thought – as he introduced her to the producer. She smiled and shook Steven, the producer's, hand. Obviously, Steven had told Jesse that she was going to be there because Jesse didn't looked shocked at all to see her there. She wished that she could say the same for herself.

"So, we think that you're both perfect for Tony and Maria but we really want to see what kind of chemistry you have so we wanted you to come in and read some dialogue and sing together. Does that sound okay to you two?" Steven explained to them both.

They both agreed and took their script excerpts from Steven and waited for him to take his seat with the director and another producer. "I swear, I had no idea that this was what they had planned," Jesse whispered to Rachel as they took their places to begin the dialogue read through. Rachel just nodded her head in understanding and did her best to get into character.

The dialogue read through went great, but both Jesse and Rachel expected nothing less. They also both knew that where they would really shine was when they actually sang "Tonight". As they sang the song, they got lost in the lyrics and the emotion of the characters. It had been too long since they'd shared a moment like this, it felt wonderful.

They both got caught up in the moment as the song ended and nearly kissed before Steven cleared his throat thanking them for a truly breathtaking performance. "Absolutely perfect and exactly what were looking and hoping for. We'll send the contracts over to your agents," he told them as he walked over to shake both of their hands along with the other producer and director. "I look forward to working with both of you."

Rachel and Jesse thanked them for their time, and smiled at one another as they walked out of the room together. Once they were outside, they both let out loud shouts of excitement as they wrapped their arms around each other. "I can't believe after all this time we're going to be working together," Jesse said as he released his hold on her and stepped back.

Rachel immediately missed the warmth of his touch. "It's so exciting. And… West Side Story!" she squealed unable to contain her elation over the fact that she was going to be playing one of the characters that she had always dreamed of portraying since she was a little girl.

"Listen, do you want to grab a cup of coffee?" Jesse asked.

Rachel was a little taken aback by his question. Was this the same guy that had told her he didn't love her anymore? He seemed so much more at ease with her than the last time that they'd seen each other. But maybe she was reading too much into it. "Sure," she agreed, and they headed to the coffee shop that was just around the corner.

Rachel sat at a small table in the corner as Jesse got their coffees. This all felt very surreal to her. When she hadn't talked to him again after his birthday, she had started to accept that he truly was never going to be a part of her life, friend or otherwise. She looked up and saw him approaching the table with two large cups of coffee in his hands with a small smile on his face. "Here you go," he said, handing her one of the coffees.

"Thanks," Rachel said, wrapping her hands around the hot cup and blowing into the hot liquid.

Rachel never drank anything that was too hot because she said that it was bad for her voice. It made Jesse smile seeing Rachel doing something so familiar again. "So… how are you?" he asked.

"I'm good. This year has been," she paused for a moment to think about the right word. "Interesting," she said finally.

A short laugh escaped Jesse lips as he thought of his own year so far. "That it has," he agreed.

"With the way my year started, having the chance to play one of my dream roles was the farthest thing from my mind," she told him, shaking her head slightly.

Jesse looked down at his coffee and took a sip of it at Rachel's mention of the beginning of the year. "It's funny the direction life takes you sometimes," he said, as he set his cup back on the table. Rachel smiled a small smile and nodded her head in agreement. "So, I was thinking, since we're about to start spending a lot of time with each other, that maybe we could try that whole friends thing."

She looked at him, a little confused. "But, I thought…" she wasn't sure how to finish.

"Look, I know I can hold a grudge and wear my pain like a badge of honor at times, but I realized that life is just too short," he confessed.

He just kept surprising her today. "Who are you and what have you done with Jesse?" she teased.

"I'm serious," he replied, leaning forward on his elbows and looking into her eyes.

"So am I," she chuckled but when he didn't laugh, she just looked away awkwardly. "So you want to be friends? Is that what you're trying to say?" She took a sip of her coffee to avoid his gaze.

"Yeah, I am," he admitted.

Could she be friends with him? She was pretty sure that she wasn't in love with him anymore but how long would it take for her to get to that place again? Working with him was one thing but being friends would mean that she'd be seeing him for a lot more than eight shows a week. Well, a part of her secretly hoped that it did. Finally, she answered him, "Okay."

He grinned at her and leaned back in his chair again taking a sip of his coffee, visibly relaxing. "We're going to be the best Maria and Tony that anyone has ever seen," he told her, with that confident arrogance that she used to find so endearing.

"I don't know. Natalie Wood is iconic," Rachel replied with a raise of her eyebrows.

"But Natalie Wood and Richard Beymer didn't have our chemistry," he said with a wink. Rachel just laughed, shaking her head.

West Side Story officially opened in early December, three months after Jesse and Rachel had accepted the parts. It had taken a little while for the producers to find the perfect cast that they were looking for and then they had workshops for about a month so that the producers could get some additional financial backing and a theatre in which to stage the revival production. The schedule had been grueling which had actually left Jesse and Rachel very little free time to hang out with each other outside of the theatre. Everyone knew that in the end, all of the hours that they had put in would be worth it.

Before the show even opened, all of the performances for the first month were completely sold-out. The buzz about the two leads and how special this particular revival was, was everywhere. After their opening night performance, as the house lights were brought up to show that the audience was on their feet giving all of them a four-minute standing ovation, Rachel was glad that she was sharing this moment with Jesse. He looked over at her and gave her hand a little squeeze before leaning over and kissing her on the cheek. This moment would be burned into her memory for the rest of her life.

Thirty minutes later, Rachel had just finished changing into her street clothes when she heard on a knock on her dressing room door. "Come in," she called as she tied her scarf around her neck.

"Hey, Rach," Jesse said as he opened the door and stepped into her dressing room.

"Hi," she returned, smiling at him before reaching for her coat.

"Listen, some of us were going to go out for a couple of a celebratory drinks and I wanted to see if you wanted to join us," he asked. "What do you say?"

She looked at the way he was practically glowing and she felt her heart skip a beat. She wasn't sure how great this whole friends thing was going to work out for her in the end. "I'd love to," she said, sliding her coat on and pulling her long brown hair out from under the collar of it. Grabbing her purse off of her dressing table, she turned back to him and walked towards him. "Let's go."

Jesse held his arm out for her and she linked it through his with a small laugh. They walked out of the stage door to cheers from the crowd that was gathered and signed autographs and talked to fans for a little bit before heading over to The Ginger Man to meet up with the rest of their cast mates.

The next two hours were the perfect way to cap off the day that Jesse and Rachel had had. Everyone laughed and drank and had a great time. They were all well on their way to becoming a little family. Finally, Rachel bid her farewells to everyone and was fully prepared to take a taxi back to her place alone when Jesse also bid everyone good-night and told her that'd he'd make sure that she got home okay.

Ten minutes later Jesse asked the cab driver to wait for him while he walked Rachel to her door. Rachel had to laugh at the ridiculousness of the idea that she needed to be walked to her door since her doorman was standing right there, but she didn't argue or make a fuss over it. It made her feel all warm inside that he was concerned about her safety.

"Thank you for taking me home," she said, smiling up at him as they stood on the sidewalk.

"You're welcome," he told her, returning her smile. "Good night, Rachel."

"Good night."

"Rachel…" Jesse's voice called out to her as she walked towards the entrance to her building.

She turned around and looked at him expectantly. "Yeah?"

"Nothing I ever did on the West End or here on Broadway has ever felt this magical or special. So… thank you," he said, walking over to where she was standing.

"It was magical wasn't it?" The excitement in her voice made him smile. And then she wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. "Thank you," she said softly. He squeezed her gently before letting her go and walking backwards towards the cab.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Jesse called as he opened the door to the cab and got in. With a nod and a wave, she turned and walked into her building feeling the happiest that she'd been in a long time.

As Jesse drove away in the cab, he still had a smile on his face as he thought about the entire day, and Rachel. Flopping his head back against the seat, he sighed happily as the image of Rachel enveloping him in a hug swam in his vision. He felt that familiar pang in his chest at the thought of Rachel, he knew he was in trouble.

Three weeks later, after their Christmas Eve matinee show, Jesse went to find Rachel in her dressing room. After she invited him into the room, he sat down on the couch casually as he watched her take her stage makeup off. "What's up?" she asked, noticing him just watching her.

"Do you have any plans for the rest of the day?" he asked evenly.

"No. Why?" He had definitely piqued her curiosity.

"I wanted to see if you would like to spend the rest of the day with me?" he asked with the most adorable smile on his face.

"Alright," she told him. "Give me ten minutes?"

"I'll wait for you at the stage door," he said as he got up and walked out of her dressing room. She couldn't think of a better way to spend the rest of her day than to spend it with him. They had so much fun together both onstage and off. Sometimes all the pain they'd caused each other felt like it had just been a bad dream.

Jesse walked outside and was met with screams from all of the girls that were waiting for the cast to come and sign autographs. He and Rachel were usually the last two to emerge from the theatre. He smiled for photographs and answered as many questions as he could. Usually the questions were related to the show or how he got his start. Others were sometimes of the more personal nature.

"Is Rachel your girlfriend?" one of the fans asked as he signed a poster with his and Rachel's faces on it for the girl.

He laughed good-naturedly at the question. "What makes you think that she is?"

"I don't know. You guys just seem like you're together. I think you'd be perfect together," the girl rushed out excitedly.

"I'll be sure to tell her you think so," he told the girl just as Rachel came waltzing out of the stage door to screams from the fans. "Or you could just tell her yourself." He motioned for Rachel to come over to sign the girl's poster.

"Oh my God, I'm such a huge fan. I want to be just like you one day!" the girl told Rachel enthusiastically.

"This young lady thinks that _we_ would make the perfect couple," Jesse said with a wink at the fan.

Rachel felt her heart stop for a moment. She had to say something but she'd been thinking the exact same thing for months now. "Well…" Rachel started only to be cut off by the fan.

"You totally would. You could be THE Broadway power couple," she explained with a huge grin. Rachel just had to laugh at the girl's excitement over Jesse and Rachel actually being together. If only she knew. "Can I take a picture of you guys together?"

"Sure," Jesse said with a smile as he pulled Rachel into his arms. "I think I know what pose she wants," he told her with a raise of his eyebrows.

Rolling her eyes as she let him pull her closer, he lowered his face so it was inches from hers as she tilted her head up like she was about to kiss him. "Did you get it," she asked turning to look at the fan. The girl nodded happily. "Okay, not so serious one this time?" Rachel asked Jesse.

Rachel figured that they'd do a goofy pose as she turned her head to smile at the fan again, but instead Jesse wrapped her tightly in his arms as he leaned down and pressed his cheek against hers.

"Thank you guys so much! You are so awesome," the girl that they'd been talking to exclaimed after she'd taken a couple of photos.

Rachel and Jesse let go of each other and signed a few more autographs as they headed down the small alleyway so they could catch a cab.

"So where are we going?" Rachel asked as Jesse hailed a cab.

"Central Park," he told her as he opened the cab door for her.

"Why are we going to Central Park?" she asked, sliding into the cab's backseat.

"Wollman Rink in Central Park," Jesse told the cab driver.

"We're going ice skating?" Rachel squealed. She hadn't been ice skating in God knew how long. She knew it would probably be crowded seeing as it was Christmas Eve but she didn't care. They were going ice skating.

"I thought it'd be nice to feel like a kid again for the rest of the day," he explained. "Clearly, so do you," he teased as he watched her practically bounce in her seat next to him.

For the rest of the afternoon, that's exactly what they did, acted like kids. They ice skated for nearly an hour, falling on their asses more than once and laughing when they would try to get up only to fall again. The city had got a few inches of snow the day before and it was cold enough so that it hadn't melted yet so they had a snowball fight with some kids. Of course, the kids all ganged up on the two adults playing with them and pelted Jesse and Rachel with snow as they both laughed and threw as many snowballs as they could.

It was another day to add to a list of memorable days that they had shared recently.

As their cab pulled up to Rachel's apartment, Jesse reached out and grabbed Rachel's arm to stop her from getting out of the cab. "Have dinner with me tonight," he said.

Rachel didn't even have to contemplate her answer. "Okay. What time?"

"Well, it's 6:30 now, so how does 8:30 sound?" he asked.

"Perfect," she replied with a smile as she opened the cab door. "I'll see you later." She wanted to jump up and down in excitement as she walked to the door to her building but she knew Jesse was watching her, so she waited until she was inside her own apartment squeal in elation.

She knew that she shouldn't go into dinner tonight expecting anything to change between them, but she'd felt it today. She was falling in love with him again. He'd made it so easy for her, it shouldn't have been surprising. Rachel wondered if he had felt it too.

She took a shower and went through every outfit in her closet trying to find the perfect one. She didn't want to be too sexy because if he wasn't feeling everything she was feeling then she would just end up looking like an idiot when she showed up at his place later. She didn't want to be too casual either because, well, this felt like a date to her.

So Rachel settled on a black sweater dress with a neckline that draped in the back and some knee-high black leather boots. She fiddled with her hair going back and forth between an up-do or long and flowing before finally deciding that she wanted her hair down with some curl in it. Before walking out the door, she looked at herself once more in the mirror and smiled. She felt beautiful.

As Rachel had been getting ready, Jesse was preparing Rachel's favorite dish of his: spinach and cheese manicotti. Once the manicotti was in the oven baking, he had an hour and a half until Rachel was going to be there. So he cleaned up his apartment a bit before taking a shower. Much like Rachel, he fretted over what to wear. His go-to color was still black so he finally decided to go with the traditional black button-up and dark jeans.

By the time he'd finished getting ready and made the salad to go with their dinner it was almost 8:30. His nerves started to get the better of him as he paced in front of the oven, waiting for the manicotti to finish cooking. He turned on some music and lit some candles in his living room while he waited for Rachel to arrive.

As punctual as ever, Jesse heard a knock on his door at 8:30. He looked around his apartment once more before he opened the door. "Hi," Jesse greeted. "Come on in."

Walking into his apartment, the first thing Rachel saw was his Christmas tree that was all lit up with white lights and with silver, red and blue ornaments all over it. Then her eyes scanned the rest of his place before coming to rest back on him. "Thank you for having me over for dinner," she said, handing him a bottle of wine that she'd brought.

"You didn't have to bring anything," he told her, taking the bottle of wine that she had in her hands. "But thank you. What do you say we pop it open and have a glass before we eat?"

She nodded her head as she followed him to the kitchen. She loved how open and spacious his apartment was. It sort of reminded Rachel of the one that he'd had when they were in school, only nicer.

"The food smells delicious," Rachel stated as she watched him pop the cork out of the wine bottle. "What is it? It's so familiar." She breathed in to see if she could figure out what he'd made.

"Spinach and cheese manicotti," Jesse said, pouring her a glass of wine and handing it to her.

"My favorite," she sighed as she took the glass of red wine. "I love your place," she told him as she looked at the main living space. She'd been to his building before but this was the first time that she'd ever been inside. It felt very warm and homey.

"Thanks," he replied, noticing the way that she was taking in her surroundings. "Have a seat in the living room. I'm just gonna take the manicotti out of the oven to cool."

Rachel went and relaxed on Jesse's couch sipping her wine and listening to the Christmas music that was playing softly. She was reminded of all of the holidays that they'd spent together when they were dating, it made her heart ache.

Jesse came and sat down on the opposite end of the couch, startling Rachel out of her reverie. They sat and chatted while they waited for the dinner to be ready. Even though they saw each other nearly every day they rarely had time to actually sit and just talk like they used to.

Forty-five minutes later, they sat at the dining room table absolutely stuffed from the salad and the manicotti they had just eaten, sipping their wine. "You're still an amazing cook," Rachel smiled at him before taking a swig of her third glass of wine.

Rachel knew that she shouldn't drink too much or else she might do or say something stupid, but she had brought her favorite wine which they'd already polished off and opened one of Jesse's favorite wines. As she sipped on her wine she decided not to worry about what did or did not happen tonight. She was just going to enjoy herself tonight and enjoy being with Jesse again.

Jesse picked up his dinner plate and silverware and reached for Rachel's, taking it into the kitchen. When he saw Rachel starting to help him clear the table he told her to let him worry about that and for her just to make herself at home in the living room.

"I can help," she insisted.

"No," he admonished, grabbing the manicotti dish out of her hands. "I invited you over for dinner, I'm going to clean up."

"Jesse…" she started to argue.

"No arguments. Please," he said, gently cutting her off before she could say anything.

So as Jesse cleared the table and washed the dishes, she drank her wine and looked at all of the books in his built-in bookshelves in the living room. His collection had grown so much over the years. She took some off of the shelves and looked at them, making a mental note to ask him if she could borrow some of them. She ran her finger along the spines as she read the titles.

She noticed that the room had suddenly gotten darker and she realized Jesse was done cleaning up their dinner. As she turned around, she saw Jesse with a remote in his hand as he changed the music. Rachel felt her heart drop to her stomach as she heard Mazzy Star's "Fade Into You" begin to play. She was completely unable to move as he walked towards her.

He reached out and grabbed her wine glass out of her hand and placed it on his coffee table. "Dance with me," he requested softly as he pulled her over to the open space in front of his Christmas tree.

_Did he really think he even had to ask?_ she thought. "Of course," she responded to make it very clear that nothing would make her happier.

He took her left hand in his and held on his chest while he wrapped his other arm around her waist, pulling her close and gently swaying to the music. Rachel loved that the song was so melancholy but that there was also something so sensual about it as well. She and Jesse had made love with this song playing in the background more than once.

With the way he was looking at her right now, she began to wonder if they would again tonight. He let go of her hand and reached up, threading his fingers through her hair as his thumb gently caressed her cheek. Rachel closed her eyes and sighed as she leaned into his touch. She felt the tears form behind her eyelids and tried to hold them back but she couldn't stop them from running down her cheeks.

She felt Jesse wipe one of them away with his thumb and then she felt his lips kiss her cheek where the other tear had fallen. Which caused even more tears roll down Rachel's cheeks. She couldn't bear to look at him so she kept her eyes closed letting the tears fall freely, trying to take steadying breaths as they continued to sway to the song.

Jesse finally wrapped both arms around her tightly and pressed his cheek against hers. He loved the feeling of her in his arms again. Not his arms as Tony and her as Maria, but as Jesse and Rachel. He pulled back and looked into her now open eyes.

"Don't cry," he whispered before claiming her lips in a lingering kiss that made Rachel feel like her heart was about to beat out of her chest.

She melted into his embrace as they deepened their kiss. Kissing him and being with him like this was like finally coming home. She never wanted it to end, never wanted to leave the warmth of his embrace ever again.

"Stay with me tonight," he said softly against her lips. "We don't have to do anything more than what we're doing right now. And we don't even have to do that if you don't want to. I want fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up with you next to me on Christmas morning."

Rachel sighed as a wave of contentment washed over her. "Okay," she agreed, laying her head on his chest.

They continued to gently dance to the song in comfortable silence. When Otis Redding's "These Arms of Mine" started playing next, Rachel felt her body start to tingle everywhere that she and Jesse were touching.

Jesse's hands were still rested low on Rachel's sides and his fingers gently kneaded as he leaned down and kissed her neck. "Rachel," Jesse sighed, almost reverently, against her skin. "I've missed you," he said just before finding her lips again in an open-mouthed, passionate kiss.

Rachel tugged him over towards the couch as they continued to kiss, pulling him on top of her. Making out like their teenage selves would have done. They made out and talked alternately on his couch for the next two hours. As they were talking, Rachel yawned so Jesse got up and went to his room to grab one of his shirts for her to sleep in and some tube socks since her feet were always cold.

After they were both changed into pajamas, they snuggled up under the covers together. "Merry Christmas, Jesse," Rachel said quietly.

"Merry Christmas, Rachel," Jesse replied softly with a kiss.

From that point on, they were inseparable as they fell in love all over again. In late June, Jesse decided that he was ready to take that next step in their relationship. So he invited Rachel over to his place saying that he wanted to have a night in with just the two of them. As soon as Rachel walked in the door, she gasped. He had decorated just like he had for Christmas all those months ago.

She breathed in the aroma of what he was currently cooking. "Is that manicotti that I smell?" she asked.

"It is," he told her.

"Jesse, did you recreate our first date from Christmas?" It was like déjà vu only this time she didn't have any questions about his feelings for her and she was head over heels in love with him.

"I did. It's technically our six month anniversary," he said, walking over to her and wrapping his arms around her waist.

"I still can't believe how romantic you are," she teased, leaning up to place a kiss on his lips.

After dinner they both cleaned up the dishes and while Jesse poured them both another glass of wine, Rachel stood in Jesse's living room looking at his Christmas tree. Rachel half-expected "Fade Into You" to start playing but instead it was Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight".

Jesse's arms wrapped around her waist from behind and she melted into him as they gently rocked back and forth. "I love you," she said, running her hands along his arms. Jesse just kissed her neck softly in response.

"Marry me," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Spinning out of his arms to face him, "What?" she asked. Not sure that she heard him right.

He reached into his pocket before kneeling down on one knee and opening the ring box. Rachel covered her mouth with both of her hands in astonishment. "I love you, Rachel. More than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. Every morning I wake up and I want to see your face. Every night before I go to bed I want you in my arms. When something good happens, I know that if I tell you, you'll be just as excited as I am about it and when something bad happens, I know I can take comfort in you because you'll do everything you can to take the hurt away. I want to build a family, have a home and grow old with you. My life is incomplete without you."

Tears of happiness streamed down Rachel's face as she listened to all the wonderful things that Jesse was saying. She couldn't believe that this moment was actually happening.

"Marry me. Love me. Spend forever with me," he finished.

Rachel knelt down in front of him, taking his face in her hands. "Yes, I'll marry you," she answered then she kissed him. "And love you." She kissed him again. "And spend forever with you." She kissed him one final time before he slid the ring, _her_ ring, on her finger.

So after six months of planning and making sure every little detail was perfect, the day of Jesse and Rachel's wedding arrived. December 31st, 2019. Two years after the night that both of them had been convinced was the end of them forever.

They had been wrong. It had been the start of a new chapter for them.

The wedding was beautiful with red roses and gold accents scattered all over the ballroom of the hotel that they were getting married in. Rachel's bridesmaids were all dressed in long, black dresses of their own choosing. Jesse and Rachel both unsuccessfully attempted to not shed any tears while saying their own wedding vows to each other. When it came time for them to kiss, they had both known that etiquette said that their kiss should be sweet and chaste, but they were unable to stop themselves from embracing passionately as Jesse dipped Rachel which made their friends and family cheer and whistle.

They celebrated their union with all of the people that they loved and rang in 2020. It felt so surreal that it had been nearly ten years since they'd come into each other's lives. So much had happened, good and bad, but in the end, they'd come through it all stronger than ever.

As they lay in the hotel bed, exhausted and starting to fall asleep in each other's arms Jesse said softly, "Happy New Year, Rachel St. James."

"Mmm, say it again," she sighed happily, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him on top of her.

"Rachel. St. James," he punctuated each word with a kiss.

"I love you." She closed the few inches between them and their lips met in a searing kiss. Sleep could wait just a little while longer.


End file.
